Bert!

In this extract from his autobiography, Bert Newton reflects upon the experimental LSD therapy he was subjected to during the 'sixties as treatment for a nervous breakdown. He was also encouraged by the nursing staff to wear a paper hat...

"Therefore... I was on a travel of the LSD! Do not believe to me, for it has formed the vacation for all. In no case I punish medical people, but it was a lot (the journey) that it is much defective one for me.

"It is not according to the drunk thing being. Nothing.

"Under LSD in me in the zone which disowned was turned totally the pieces. The startings of the light, that one had played flied sights they of my window, become the sun of the blaze. The nerves of the doctor of words of an illicit voice that effectively with me one echo zone. All the colour, the rainbow flickered with me like lightning bolt. They had been frightened here and the terror.

"More subsequently, one of the nurses has asked me if I would want to be based with the sun. I have received that one favorably, but because I have made the life of the inside to lead a life it the excited saying nurse that I would have to transport a hat in the strong sun. When I have said to it, I have not had within, it I have shown it, like one the fixed paper, which from a newspaper, right as the use of the marks of the paper a point of the children of the nails head eliminates to the parts.

"Therefore here, resplendently be firm, on the balcony of the heart crowned, in clean dressing of the elevation, pyjamas and the this hat of paper ridiculous to transport perched on my head."

(nb. Bert's original text has been run through the Multibabel translator, for extra Bert!-ness)

(extra-special nb. for non-Australians: Bert Newton is an avant-garde morning television presenter. If you ask him nicely, he will allow you to polish his round, moon-like head with a soft rag; a genie will appear.)