How to Purge.

You know how sometimes, you get a song stuck in your head that you just can't shake? Some ridiculously catchy Top 40 pop-slut chorus, or the telephone number melody from a vaccum cleaner company ad on TV? Or, fucking "Greensleeves' or whatever the fuck that is from the icecream truck that just drove past your office block a minute ago? And you know how that song - that muzak piece of shit version of 'Sussudio' you can't get rid of even thirteen hours after you've left the supermarket - makes you want to trepan yourself with a melon-baller just to make it stop, stop, oh please sweet jesus make it stop?

Well, me too.

During a recent discussion about this affliction, I was reminded of a sure-fire remedy which I feel duty bound to pass on to you. A close friend gave me this advice a while ago, and swears by its efficacy.

You will doubt me. You will think me some kind of crazy voodoo witch-doctor. But you should trust me on this one - it'll save you someday.

Apparently, the best way to delete offending tunes from one's internal playlist is to conduct a mental sing-a-long of not less than three Roy Orbison songs in a row. A cleansing medley, if you will.

The disturbing thing is that this actually works. Go on, try it sometime. I usually go with 'Pretty Woman,' then 'Only the Lonely' and finish up with 'Crying.' Once you're done, there's nothing in your head at all: no cat food jingle, no beach boys' harmony, no single intelligible thought, nada. Not even the 'Big O' song you finished with.

It's like magic. Like sorbet for the mind. Or, colonic irrigation for the mind. Pick your metaphor.